I realize I probably shouldn’t write on this subject, and also that I’m pretty late in mentioning this article, but I haven’t posted in a while, so whatever.
I’d say that I’ve struggled with eating disorders for as long as I can remember, but struggling doesn’t seem to fit right, considering I’m so used to them, they’re no longer a pain in my ass. I’ll leave out specifics and whys, but suffice it to say, I have always been preoccupied with weight, and I’m guessing it was the combination of that plus certain caring, sharing sort of comments when I was young that pushed me into the thorny, shameful patch of eating disorders. (Yes, more than one. I tend to cycle through two different types.)
I function as well as someone like me is probably capable, but I can state with certainty that no man in his right mind would actively seek out a woman with disordered eating habits. I spend (literally–I wish I was kidding) every waking minute that I’m not engaged in some activity thinking about how fat I am, how to fix it, why can’t I fix it, who the hell would ever look my way twice in regards to dating, and what the fuck is the matter with me.
*Something tells me 90 percent of men would run screaming from a woman like that. What a monumental headache–the constant disparaging of herself, the hardship in simple things like going to/picking out a restaurant (not to mention what happens when they get there–fussing over the menu, not ordering anything, or ordering everything followed by frequent trips to the bathroom) and (in some cases) horrific internal trauma, would get old pretty quick. Most people who haven’t researched extensively or gone through an ED do not understand the psychology. It’s not as simple as ‘just eat a cheeseburger’ or ‘purging? Can’t you just stop?’, and I’ve fractured many a relationship because of these disorders.
I won’t call the guy who wrote this an asshole. Maybe this was meant as satire, which I can appreciate. I wasn’t too offended to start with since I have very little feelings in general and never vocalize the ones I do. But I have to say, and I think any other woman dealing with the same issues would too, that he is categorically wrong. So I shall run through his impressive list with a few of my long-winded asides, complete with the delightful pictures he chose to display on his original post.
1. Her obsession with her body will improve her overall looks. (Otherwise known as, I couldn’t give less of a fuck about the health of your psyche–it’s what’s outside that’s important, ladies!)
Really? Do the broken capillaries on the face of a bulimic woman turn you on? The scars on their knuckles are pretty sexy, huh? The waxy, dehydrated skin of an anorexic makes you all hot and bothered? Sure, you can mask these things with makeup or pretend they’re not there, but that doesn’t make it so.
Of course I’m sure this argument will be deemed invalid because the author is careful to state that he is strictly referring to women with disorders that haven’t wrecked their looks just yet. Which makes him kind of a douchebag; some stupid frat boy only interested in arm candy. (Swoon!) Okay, fair enough.
2. She costs less money. (Way to turn us on–we save you some cash.)
Clearly the man has never dated a binge/purging bulimic.
Why doesn’t he save himself some time and say he’s only talking about anorexics? He sure was clear when he eliminated ‘fatties’ with ED’s from the discussion.
3. She’s fragile and vulnerable. (Nothing says DATE ME more than ‘I love that your self-worth is so low it soothes my shaky self-esteem.’)
Oh, and I’m sure the constant reassurances of ‘you’re not fat’ will never get old.
And I’m not sure how having an eating disorder automatically makes a woman ‘quick to apologize for transgressions’ and ‘non-flaky’ and ‘eager to get your approval’. If anything the woman is more interested in her own approval. Sure, they’d rather not be seen as fat, but I can’t tell you how many exes I’ve had who’ve pulled the ‘but you’re not fat’ card. I didn’t believe them or care that they didn’t think I was. Their opinions made little, if any, difference. It wasn’t about what they saw when they looked at me; it was what I saw.
4. She probably has money of her own. (This guy is extremely worried about saving money. Guess his freelance writing career isn’t doing so well. Wonder why?)
Uh, hi. I’m Melissa, I’m broke, I have eating disorders, and that is so fucking false. This whole stereotype of ED’s being an ‘upper-class’ issue is ridiculous. Women (men, too!) of all classes and ethnicity are susceptible. I can’t help but think how poorly thought out this argument is–have you ever heard of Google, good sir? Did you even look up one Wiki article? You have zero hard-hitting evidence to support this theory aside from your personal ‘market research’, the authenticity of which I’m seriously doubting. These diseases are not something exclusively applied to rich white girls, despite how many attractive Caucasian actresses speak out about their personal struggles.
5. She’s better in bed. (…to make up for your lack of mad skillz?)
Sadly I’ve never asked for a rating, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s nothing special.
Furthermore, I fail to see how a horrifically self-conscious woman who doesn’t want to be touched in certain places, insists on keeping articles of clothing on, always wants the lights off, etc., could possibly be a turn-on. But, hey. What do I know. Maybe this dude gets off on seeing low self-esteem up close and personal.
Tuthmosis (the author) apparently has specialties in dating culture. Basing my opinion solely on this travesty of an argument, I have to respectfully disagree. Unless he came by this superior knowledge through his years in a fraternity.
*However, something tells me the author isn’t referring to a loving relationship, so everything I’m saying won’t apply. He’s talking about something along the lines of casual dating, where actual feelings don’t come into play, because how else could a man simply not care that the woman they’re involved with has such massive issues?